REDeology- Voice of a Renegade…

I’m back… I told you that the topic’s too vast to be covered in a trilogy… So here comes the fourth installment of my " I love women but sometimes" commentary…

People might be wondering, what’s my big issue with women of today and why I write so much about them… Once again, I retiterate that I LOVE women and the comment are based only on some of them… Ok fine, MANY of them but NOT ALL… Judging from the responses, most seem to have taken it on the right note thus far…

The reason for my sudden literary fascination with the fairer sex is due to recent situations and current environment… My best of friends are in sorry spirits or have been so for quite some time… ReasoN: Women. One of them is in a far away land reminiscing in solitude about a long term relationship that was terminated by his other half after half a decade… Another is in an utter state of confusion and pain revolving around his recent experience with the opposite sex… As for myself, my single status in the past 5 months has been torturing me with days and nights of loneliness… An empty feeling… Not so much for the loneliness but the vacuum in the heart yearns to be filled and occupied by a familiar tenant… The kind of feeling that makes you wanna kick yourself for some decisions you made in life… The only odd one out in the group who seems to have his peace of mind intact, is a buddy of mine who hasn’t had a whiff of a woman in his life… I mean, in THAT way, not literally… Having been single all his life long at 26, the guy has waaaay better things to do than to be lamenting like the rest of us, " Dei, why are women like that???" in 24 hour prata joints…And over MSN… And on the phone… And during Deepavali visits… And at surprise birthdays… And in clubs… And the list goes on…

Guys start doing weird things when a special woman enters their lives and even weirder things when they leave… I’ve had friends who quit smoking and drinking to impress their special girl… I’ve seen guys turning into poets overnight… I’ve seen friends running atop buildings and skyscrapers to take photographs of nature and sceneries, just to put a smile on their girl’s lips… Gung-ho friends of mine have meekly hidden and had a hurry-burry smoke at some ulu corner during gatherings with their special girls and her friends, so as not to create a bad impression… I see working men borrow money from friends just to bring their dates to exotic places to impress them… I’ve seen poor guys who run every errand for girls they are not attached to, just so that she might reciprocate some day… I, for one,refused to attend my own brother’s wedding when I freshly got attached because the date my mom fixed,clashed with my then girlfriend’s 21st birthday celebrations( A good 3 1/2 years back) Why do we do all that?

I’ve had friends who rambled for months after their girfriends left them… I’ve had friends who became semi-psychotic stalkers who followed their ex-girlfriend whereever she went… I’ve had friends who’ve got their ex-girlfriend’s name on their bike but the girl doesn’t give two shits… I personally come up with lame reasons to call my ex-girlfriend and call her out for no reason at all… Damn, I didn’t wanna spend my birthday with anyone else but her! Why do we do all that?

Do they deserve it? Do we deserve it? Some of them do, I guess… There are girls who really can’t get over past relationships for months… But often, these are the girls who’d not have been attached to the deserving kinda guys like I mentioned above… They’d have been probably attached to some total bastard who used to abuse her, physically or verbally, or else squeeze every dollar out of her pocket money to the max, hooked up one night stands at Raagawoods while she was sleeping at home or simply laid her and left her once he was bored… Those kinda assholes get girls who pine for them… Ironically, the really nice guys get girls who flush them down the toilets and look for another fella to put up with their shit…

Whilst some ladies give their lives out to the guys they love, some others are looking for men as past-times and joy-rides.Some are on the other end of the spectrum, even planning their break-up months or years ahead… Someone whom I know was supposedly planning to break up with her boyfriend for a long time… However, she never did for goddamn-whatever-reason-that-could be and finally broke off after TWO freaking years of consideration… In the two years, she probably never mentioned anything to the poor unsuspecting fella but chose to tell others about it instead…

Damn, something sudden came up and i gotta go at the most interesting part now… This will be continued… Stay tuned…

Yes, moving on to the final chapter of this never-ending topic… True, the last post got a little emotional and touched primarily on my personal life than the topic in hand… Now, shuttling back to our topic proper- more absurd escapades of women I’ve seen in the past year…

First of all Friendster, Friendster, Friendster… Haha, what can I say about it? It kinda makes all our personal lives known to each other… Through our profiles, the blogs and all the tell-tale pictures… As mentioned earlier, the girls who amuse me, proclaiming proudly that they are bitches and (cam) whores… Then the ones posing in pro-lesbian ad campaigns, smooching lip to lip and other promiscuous poses… Some women seem to be taking extra efforts to be fantasy girls by appealing to men with lesbian fetishes I guess…

  Bulletins, haha, they are kinda fun… We get to see all the weird facets of people… There are some who fill up surveys because they are really bored… Then, there are those who fill up surveys just to blow their own Sungei Road trumpets…" My mummy bought me such a pretty, pretty top the other day ooooh, my daddy’s the sweetest man in the whole world, my sister is the hairiest girl in the whole block, my sexy boyfriend stole his neighbour’s lace lingerie just for me yada yada yada blah blah" Then there are those who take the opportunity to explain to the whole world about how some bi*ch screwed their lives up with detailed profanities and how they plan to murder that person yada yada yada blah blah…"

And do some women carry their cameras everday and EVERY-god-damn-WHERE they go? Including the loo? The alarming number of women put up pictures taken in piss-zones make me think so… Is this why women take ages to get their bums out of the Ladies? Posing and preening in places meant for waste product removal? The best part is they strike the same pose at the same place with various spastic expressions and put them up as montages… The statement ‘technology follows us everywhere’ has taken a whole new turn… Yup, it’s everywhere, including toilets and for some the bedroom, for intensive coverage of some intimate hanky panky which makes them amateur pornstars overnight on You Tube(read: NYP Tammy). And then the whole family packs up to migrate unable tp endure the shame… All this for being trigger happy at the wrong places… To summarise, I see women smoking, piss drunk, being beer ambassadors, displaying lesbian tendencies, making out with their porn-stud wannabe boyfriends and posing almost semi-nude on camera just on their Friendster pictures alone…

Which brings me to another topic… In a way, as a full-blooded male, this kinda makes me a wee bit gleeful… Women generously exposing for the camera… No, no I don’t have a problem with that… I’m not from sub-urban village in Punjab or something… I like to women dress up… It’s a turn on factor… One thing I look for in a woman firstly is her dressing sense… But these days, more than dressing up fine, it’s about how much you expose… Which suits us guys just fine… I see cleavages almost everywhere on Friendster… Cleavage, navels, cleavage, hips, belly button studs, cleavage (Friendster might soon become an M-18 rated soft porn site) Although some wannabe sexpots end up making us feel a a little nauseus for our liking, guys being guys, we have no qualms about it… Every guys likes women… Includes your daddy, your 13 year old brother and your grandfather who acts like a total saint… If your boyfriend says he doesn’t ogle at other girls and his eyes are only for you, he’s bullshitting… Dump him, that’ll be a good Deepavali gift…

Oh damn, women today don’t call it Deepavali right? It’s too Tamilian and unglamourous to call it such, so we should go with the North Indian style of calling it DIWALI right? Yeah, it’s so classy to be associated with North Indians, yay! Why don’t you go wash the Khalsa Association toilets then? Oh c’mon, it’s North Indian, so it’s still glamourous right? Haha, yeah right… No matter how much we watch Hindi movies, dress up like them and eat their savouries, it’s not gonna make our black asses any fairer… Many girls complain that Tamil actors don’t look as good as the North Indian actors and that they don’t dress well… Ahem, do you realise that many of you Tamil girls don’t look as gorgeous as them North Indian babes? But do we guys make much of an issue out of it? We accept you for what you are… Learn to speak your mother-tongue well first, before you try others for glamoursake… Respect your roots as well… I don’t understand why some women find bindhis for North Indian wear "wow, it’s like soooooo gorgeous! (in that squeaky irritating slang), but the same women refuse to wear a tiny black pottu on their foreheads, which they wore till the end of secondary school… Ok, that’s their personal preference, so I shall not talk about it… Point is, you being a wannabe North Indian doesn’t change anything… North Indian are not gonna be very bothered with Tamil girls (unless you are Fazila) and same goes with North Indian girls and Tamil guys(except for a few exceptional cases). So it’s you for us and us for you, dear Tamilachis…

And I digressed… Getting back to the topic of exposing, most Indian guys secretly like it, as long as it’s not their sister displaying her rude bits I guess… But sex appeal, should be natural… Some seem to take special efforts for this… Women whom I know, who weren’t exactly very well endowed suddenly have cleavage-exposing shots popping up… Even those who were the mummy’s girls sort revel in exposing deep necklines for the camera and for their friend’s viewing pleasure on Friendster… Now, you can’t blame the guys for this cos you obviously know what you’re exposing when you’re looking at your own picture before posting online… So you’re fully consenting the public to ogle at your pictures in your halter-neck, tube, bikini or whatever crap you had on you… That’s not an issue… Please go ahead… It’s your account and your pictures, do whatever you want to… I like it…Wheewit! The issue here is, if you’re so willing to put up your supposedly sexy pictures on the net, why do people create a big hoo-haa when some guy is ogling at them? You dress such cos you wanna be seen right? So why the big fuss when someone is admiring it? If you don’t want something to be seen, then cover it up… If you wanna expose it, then you can’t stop anyone from looking… Don’t go and complain to your boyfriend or brother who suddenly turns into some action hero after that and starts to wayang… I mean, of course, if some annoying pervert is staring for minutes at you, then I’ll feel like punching his lights out as well… What I mean is when someone happens to look at some exposed portion of your anatomy for a few seconds and you tell the guy " Hey, I’m up here" ( No, no, not that it happened to me… No silly feelings… Has happened to people I know) Give the guy a break, it’s human tendency to steal a glance at anything that’s unusual, man… Don’t you women notice it when a guy’s fly is open? Do we accuse you of staring at our, ahem, whatever? Same mechanics apply here… Not everyone stares down a cleavage because he’s immediately fancying the pants off you… So stop insulting or bitching about some guy who was ogling at you unless you were covered up in the right places in the first place…

Recently, I even saw someone I know wearing something no different from a corset to a cultural event… Didn’t leave much for imagination though there was nothing appealing to see even… Dress skimpily all you want but for appropriate places like clubbing or something… Not for an Indian cultural event practically wearing lingerie… Unless, you really have some wierd excitement over hundreds of Indian guys looking all over you… Be fair to the guy you’re gonna spend your life with… Are you gonna be all flustered and happy if your boyfriend turns up at some event in his boxers? Same rules apply since this is supposed to be the era of equality…

I thought that I could end this as a trilogy but guess my mind has different plans now… I gotta go but this isn’t the end… This topic will return… For more personal experiences with the gender I love and adore… Your good comments will definitely steer my entries into deeper waters and more sensible issues, so please drop a comment if you have read this far… Thanks a bunch…

To be continued…

Yes there had to be sequel and this is it… I can’t possibly jot down all my experiences with the opposite sex in the past year within one entry…

Given the postive response I got for part one, here I shall take off from where I left…

I was making a statement about how I’m not being sexist and this was for women and not against them… Yes, this is not a collection of my patriarchal instincts transcribed in words… These are true incidents that occurred and that I observed… I couldn’t afford to be chauvinistic for the fact that I’ve needed a lady’s warmth to comfort me during the lowest points in my life…

Just recently, I was going through a mentally and physically exhausting, rigorous period in my life… I was disoriented, lost, mentally unstable and yet had to give my best shot at the one and only opening I had to get myself back into the media industry after a 11 month hiatus… It was Ullae Veliyae, a play that was staged in August… Acting opposite oustanding artistes like Guna and Siva, made the task even more challenging… If not for a few good female friends who stood by me at that point, I may well have screwed things up majorly… The well-wishing messages, the long phone conversations and the constant checks on whether I’m alright, it all helped…

It was the eve of show day… I had just done my role as convincingly as William Hung would have done on his worst performance ever, during our full-dress rehearsals… I was totally despondent and couldn’t face the rest of the cast and crew after that… It was upon a female friend’s comforting embrace, that I got the ease to get back on track and at least make a feeble attempt at it… You see, my role was a very broody, crestfallen character and it having an uncanny resemblance to an episode in my personal life didn’t help much either…

Though I put up a pretty decent performance the next day on our first actual show, the character and other personal stuff got to me so much that I couldn’t be normal after the performance… I couldn’t smile… My heart was heavy and I was on the verge of tearing… Once again, my saviour was this very special girl in my life who was right there, spot-on-time for a warm, comforting hug… There were people around… But I couldn’t care less… A familiar embrace filled with love, concern and care… I didn’t bother to hide weakness as I rested my wringed forehead on the shoulders that are always there for me… The next few reassuring statements that came from those lips resonated in my ears through the night… " Vish, you are an artiste… You love what you do… Don’t let this affect you… This is your big chance to come back… Put everything aside… Focus on your character, ma… I know you don’t like to disappoint your audience… Put everything else aside and do your best… You can do it" Then came the killer blow as grimly said " If you who enacted the character feel this bad, how would I, who lived it for real, feel?" It was a slap in the face… Yet a much needed awakening slap… I was rejuvenated and good to go for a second show, the next night…

In similar fashion, after the second show, all my co-artistes stepped down to mingle with the audience and I was once again in my disconsolate mode… A number of people I knew came up to me… I know there were hugs… There were pats on my back… "Well done…" and "Excellent performance" that were being told to me but yet it seemed like fading voices from a distant platform… I put a fake smile, uttering "thank you"s in return but everything was passing by my mind in a flurry… My heart was once again looking for a comforting hug amidst the congratulatory hugs, having got used to it in the two days prior to that…

Once again, it had to be a female friend who appeared out of the blue like an angel… She’s a good friend and we happened to be kind of playing Aunt Agony to each other as we were on the same boat at that period of time… Perhaps that’s what made her sense that there was something wrong and ask the golden question "Are you ok?" Followed by the much needed hug… I felt at home again as I buried my face on her shoulder for a quick 2-3 seconds only, realising that both my friends and hers were around… A couple of foul mouths I know, would easily link us up and make stories with that one instance, so I cut it short…

Why I am saying all these?  It’s amazing how a brief comforting embrace from a lady can make you feel so much better even at the darkest point in your life… The warmth and comfort you get in a lady’s genuine hug, you can get nowhere… I just realised how dependent Men sometimes can be on women… For those three days, each day I had a different l lady friend who was there lend me a shoulder of support… Never ever have I felt so weak and wimpy… I’ve never been like that before… I never knew how to seek for solace from someone cos I was never emotionally dependant on anyone… I could always fight my battle myself and never allowed anyone to enter my personal space… Or so I thought till this episode… Women play such an important part in  our lives and vice versa…

A man often can’t find such solace in another man as opposed to a woman… As a buddy of mine mentioned in a text when we were confiding in each other with our personal problems, it ends up looking like " Like a bunch of gay men consolingeach other."

But sometimes, you just wonder why some, only some, girls do the things that they do… Hmm… That musing was what made me write this series of entries… "Why?" That’s the issue…

Will be continued in the next installment…

Women… Can’t live with them, can’t live without them… Yeah, very cliche…

I’m bored now… Rotting in camp… And presto! I get my restless hands on a laptop… It’s been ages since I updated my blog… So I’m gonna do it now…

I wanna talk about something that’s been camping in my mind for quite sometime- Women. Err, no, I mean women are on every man’s mind all the time but this one is different… Pathologically thinking, why do women often have an adverse reaction in many a man’s life? I mean, in all fairness, I also know it’s vice versa… However, it’s pretty evident that Man has a greater impediment in understanding the Woman than she does for the man…

I, for one, have major complications understanding the fairer sex- so they are called… Or are they really? Every man for biological, psychological, physical and emotional dependance, needs a lady… Well, when you minus the love,romance, roses, chocolates, dating, cuddling, picking-up-after-her-puppys’s poo, chopping vegetables-for-her-mum, endure-her-dad’s-stare, wish-her-irritating-little brother-Happy Birthday, borrow-money-and-buy-her-a-ring-for-V day episodes and cut to the chase, that’s what it all boils down to…

We are so dependant the opposite sex, be it men or women… But are we able to place utmost faith and trust in them? I’m not sexist or a chauvinist but I’m writing about women for the fact that One can’t see the dirt on his own back… We can only ruminate and muse about the opposite gender for we know the dirty, dark secrets of our own… Getting back on track, are we consummately able to trust the race of our partners or partners-to-be? Some frames from my flashback of the past year makes me irresolute… Some humour me… Some exasperate me…

A number of ladies whom I would have seen this year presented me with numerous deja-vu of this scene…

Girl A bumps into Girl B. Girl A goes " Oh my god, babe! It’s been so long since I saw you… Wow! You’re looking gorgeous… I missed you so much!!! We should catch up soon… I think I’m gonna make you my lesbian partner… You better not forget our date… You’re sweetest!" and hugs her like there’s no tommorrow…

When you recall, just some time back, A would have referred to B as a bitch and that she hates her to the core… There’s many more… There are girls who would have hated the sight of the other, said her hair looks like pubic hair and that she’s a noseypoker etc etc and then some time later, they’d be christen themselves as godsisters… Then there are ones who would call the other ’short, fat bitch’ and the next week, they say ‘there’s only one thing I feel about you- I LOVE YOU !’… My, my, how could I forget the one who complained for hours about the girl(who was referred to as ‘Slut’ by the plaintiff… I’d prefer not to use the word on any girl, instead opting for a ever-so-highly inebriated male buddy of mine who goes by the same pseudonym), yeah, this girl who slept with her boyfriend(the plaintiff’s boyfriend, i mean). Then a few days later, I witness both the parties etched in embrace, gushing how they miss each other… May Hell damn the earth… I know we’re all hypocrites in a way but this one’s over the wall, man!

Next, I seriously don’t understand what’s this great fixation women have on liquor these days… The past year has been a spectacle of ladies getting their alcohol fix at one event or another… So much so, it’s become a fashion statement these days… You know, like ‘I’m cool cos I drink’ (Oh really you drink? Would that make your ass bigger than mine? Then, I wanna drink too!) If you don’t believe it, just surf around your Friendster account for women who are posing like brand ambassadors for a liqour label or a jug of bourbon… Some take religious efforts to meet up and drink together like the ‘timer’ uncles… The only difference is that the uncles do it in the Kopitiam below their block and the ’sophisticated’ ladies go all the way to town drink similar crap in a bar that charges 5 times more for less drink and more ice… It’s ok, it’s so cool, remember? I know, the immediate response is "If guys can drink, why can’t we?"

Look mine isn’t a case of the age old idiosyncrasy that only men should drink… Go ahead… Drink… Die if you want to… But at least die with a little honour… That’s the least, man… I can’t recall innumerable occasions where women get drunk and start crying. ( cue three other women to crowd around her, hug her and comfort her but it’s not time yet for her to stop until some hero comes along to comfort her with a hug). Now, if she ain’t crying, we move on to option 2… She’s so smashed that she starts falling all over the place, till she suddenly drops ‘dead’ on the floor (cue three other women to crowd around her and make bimbotic noises but do nothing, till the mentioned hero comes to the rescue and carries her away clumsily in his own stupor). The best part is he insists that he’ll carry the girl, even when she gets sober later, in the process getting himself all over her( Point to note: He’ll claim to be her best buddy, confidante or better still, will be her best friend’s boyfriend. But the lady is oblivious to this in her own semi-conscious state, unwittingly allowing him to sandpaper her skin. We men are such Bastards… Hehe!). Amazingly, you would wonder where this same best friend went when she starts throwing up the masala chicken meal (which she might just have claimed that she had chicken lasagne from Pizza Hut) that  she had earlier.

Some are worse, they start to blabber loudly and dance in extreme close proximity with guys they met like 5 minutes in the typical Indian uncle style… Then some guy starts feeling her up and suddenly she wakes up to her senses and complains to her big buffoon self-proclaimed gangster of a friend… Which follows up with a brawl, the guys start sucker-punching each other, jugs and mugs start flying around like frisbees, then they are hammered senseless by the bouncers and the club closes an hour earlier… Of course, the girl gets home all high and happy, and wakes up the next day amnesic to all the drama… So much for getting drunk and flirtatious…

Yes, I agree, the guys do it… We are worse… For my last birthday, I probably became the night’s Asoka merlion, regurgitating every five minutes(now, I’m acting like the ‘Peter Akka’ kinda girl-Why can’t I simply say vomitting? Guess there’s a wannabe in every one of us). Yeah, then I started kissing all my mates ( on the cheeks only la!Even then I couldn’t afford to be termed gay… I love women too much to be one) At least, I was only smooching my friends and not my friend’s best friend’s brother who was looking bored or something… Lest, I’m not labelled a slut for that…

Now, that’s the difference… Unfortunately, drunk guys get away with almost everything, apart from getting jiggy with 15 yr old kiddy girls who get entry into clubs these days… Whereas, women are labelled with colourful expletives by their own kind… Damn, yes, it’s a unfair world but you gotta get this point: When a man wakes up with a stranger by his side, he’s got another feather on his Playboy cap… When a women does the same, even if he’s Orlando Bloom, she becomes another trophy ‘lay’ in his journal of sexual exploits and some other woman fastidiously calls her a whore…

Speaking of whore brings me to my next topic… Not that whore seems to be an insulting word of recent times… Look around in your friends’ list and number of them would have labelled themselves ‘whore’… ‘Cam-whore’ that is… No matter what kinda superb prefix you add to the word, a whore is a whore… What makes you so proud calling yourself that? For instance, mother is a beautiful word… F*cker is vulgar with or without a prefix… When you add both the words together what do you get? I think you get the point… But cam-whore seems  be the uber-cool word these days just like bitch…

Some women have a fetish with the word… They call themselves bitches with absolute pride(once again, refer to the wannabes’ Friendster profiles and note how many call themselves a bitch). Then, they call each other bitch among their group of friends… But they get incensed and work up a storm when others call them the same… Or even milder words like flirt… If you refer to yourself as a bitch, why won’t others, pea brains? Think about it… There’s alot more I gotta say… Would go into several volumes but I’m gonna continue that another time… Once again, reiterating the fact, I’m NOT a chauvinist and this is not an entry against women but for women… If you have read this far, you may please to drop a comment… Thanks a bunch…

If you are a lady who has gone through similar scenarios as mentioned… Haha! Seeya, wouldn’t wanna be ya!

Ok, down to blog No.3… Don’t worry, this isn’t  any socio-political thrashing or my usual ‘ I gotta voice out my opinion’ session… I’m dead beat, sleepy, stressed and cranky now… Not in a stable state of mind to talk sense or knock sense into anyone…So decided to de-stress and humour myself by recalling a very interesting night… Before I go to the main event, a short prelude…

I’m a Serangoon boy… Have always been… Born and bred in the Serangoon Central/Gardens/North Area… Naturally, I’m just damn comfortable with home ground… My little world usually revolves around Serangoon and some neighbouring areas like Ang Mo Kio, Bishan etc. That’s why even in my Ngee Ann days, I had to come back to slack at Athar for hours to make up for the lost time( For those of you who don’t know, Athar is my second home… Will explain more in future blogs). Cos,the place is just so centralized and accessible… 10 minutes to Little India, 15 to Plaza Sing, half an hour to town and more… I always wondered how people stayed in ulu and obiang places like… Err, ok, I shall not mention the estates… Our folks form street gangs in every nook and corner they find in an area… Not planning to get ripped the next time I ever land up in those places… After that night last week, I never regretted for thinking such… Thank my lucky stars that I stay in Central zone…

For one of the very few times in my life, I had to head South that night… I had to attend a grim, tragic event and I hardly knew anyone there… Only consolation was that another friend of mine also had to attend the same event and that friend only knew one person there… So, we kinda found a khaki in each other and decided to go together… It didn’t really help that my friend was an Eastern zone person and we both knew nuts about this place that we were heading to… I ran to the MRT station hot, sweaty and dead tired after drama rehearsal… Ha! It seemed as though we planned our outfits as both of were wearing similar colours… Would’ve been nice but it’s just that the occasion didn’t call for it… Mind you, this was the first time we were going somewhere together… We must be the first pair of people who attended such a tragic event for a first time out…

At this point, I’ve been TOLD to describe my friend… I don’t know why, but I shall doit anyway… She’s this pimple faced, bucktoothed horrid girl with frizzy hair and a fashion sense worse than how she looks… Ok la ok la… Maybe she doesn’t look THAT horrid… Ok, I attended the grievous event with this girl ( I was bribed to say this) and I naturally expected scrutinizing stares for this would probably be the first time or so I’d be seen out with someone new… I can’t believe I’m saying this but she being a sweet looking one didn’t really help much either… And yes, as expected, I did get the abovementioned stares… Let’s move on now…

As the train approached, we embarked on a night of Loony-ism…We encountered an unprecedented number of loonies that night… After getting off at the wrong station, clarifying with the station control and boarding the train again, finally we reached our port Commonwealth… We scrutinized the area map and only made our exit after we were convinced that we knew where our destination was…We wanted to take a cab there but yet kuku enough not to wait at the taxi stand even though there was only ONE Indian couple in line…We walked further down to flag a cab…

We walked and walked and walked, turning behind every other moment trying to hail a cab… Trust me, over 15 cabs would’ve just whizzed past us though there were no passengers… These were like our first 15 loonies, who didn’t want to make a quick buck… Damn, sometimes I hate cabbies… They are never there when you really need them… But when you’re peacefully walking back home or somewhere, that’s when they’ll stop over and horn at you as though you’re obliged to get into their cab…

The time of the day and the endless walking got to my friend I guess… She almost became the next loonie as she mistook some water pipe thingy on the pavement for Hungry Ghost Festival prayer items and tried to pull some stunt by calling out my name and refusing it was her…

After some senseless bickering, we found our next loonie cabbie, the biggest of them all… We sighed with relief as this cabbie finally stopped for us… Was this Malay guy… Just as we thought our route march was coming to end, this loonie tells us to walk over instead of getting inhis cab… A cabby refuses to take us in and tells us to WALK OVER!!! Did I mention that I hate cabbies… They should be culled, you know, like they shoot down crows… They are overpopulated and they are pests, just like crows…Ok, I digressed…

Getting back to the loonie night- Then we kinda get lost. We approached several people for directions but they either didn’t know or they were plain wierdos…Just like this woman- I approached a woman, and she looks up and almost jumped at me with a stifled scream, thinking we were trying to rob her. Then my great partner and this lady start laughing like kukus… However, the lady didn’t know the address either…

So, we just wandered around trying to find a way. We see this McDonald’s delivery man at a certain crossroad junction and walk over to him to ask for directions… C’mon, he rides around the island for a living, so he ought to know,right? Now, this fella tells us to walk through some blocks in the OPPOSITE direction… Then he zoomed off on his little bike and we start walking slowly in our fatigue… After 5 minutes of walking,we find ourselves at some void deck and Presto! Who do we see? Once again, our friendly neighbourhood Mcdonald’s delivery man who stops over at the same block as we reach there… The guy rode a  bike at the same speed as we walked! (Yes, it had to be a Naattaan again)

Good for him… We continue our trek after moment of shock thanks to the Loony Wars: The Mcdonald’s Guy Strikes Back… We find this guy sitting along a pathway engrossed in his own solitude… Yours truly decides to keep him company for 5 seconds and shoots the goddamn-still-not-answered-properly golden question- “ Where is Block 27?” Apart from involving two numerals, I don’t understand in which way I had belted out a mathematically challenging question as out nicotine-high friend starts counting with his fingers, “Blk 27 ah? Blk 27… Ah… 11,12, 13, 14, 15…” Ermmm… Ok, sweet… Trying real hard not to laugh,my friend and I, being the PR friendly people that we are, still smiled, thanked him and made a quick escape before he could bite our ears…

We walk a few metres down and burst out laughing…That’s till we saw the following sight- This average Ah-seng looking guy, who is lying on a concrete platform near some grassy area, and his kid were playing their abnormal family game, as we would find out….Quite an adventurous game, you should try this with the irritating, obnoxious little brat that stays next door to you… Game goes like this:Get your kid to pick up some leaves one by one…Then get her beside you and burn the leaves in her bare hands with your cigarette lighter…Once done, repeat the procedure till your fiery vegetation fetish involving lil girls is satisfied, you paedophile!

Ok, where were we? I think that was Loony No. 20 or 21 I guess. We walk a few steps and give each other that stupid “What the hell?” look… And we giggle like silly schoolgirls… We carry on walking…

We walk quite a while and reach this place which looks like a mutated offspring borne by a park and a museum… Even recreational facility in this neighbourhood just HAS to look loony… This ‘park’ is beneath a slope… There are some really odd statues which was probably conceptualized and designed by some major loony who apparently has a thing for latrines, toilets, urinals, washrooms, peeing, crapping, whatsoever… You get the point, right? Must probably be some tribute to his granddad who used to be a ‘kakkoos’ cleaner… Cos all the figurines have been sculpted to be doing something related to toilets… One is flushing the toilet, another is brushing his teeth and yet another washing hands… What did the architect have in his mind? Or is it his symbolic way of telling the world that this place is full of shit? He must’ve been a Serangoon boy too, I guess… Best part, there are stairs leading from these statues to the park which is further down the slope… But there’s no stairs or pathway leading to the statues!

After precariously making our way down the grassy slope and then from the figurines to the park, we decide to approach this couple who was sitting there… They were the sanest of the whole gamut of loonies we encountered in this area… But alas! They totally smashed us with one statement, “You can take a bus to…” That’s all I heard… The rest seemed to be some faint voice far far away… BUS? We gotta take a bus, now??

It then struck my smart little friend- we had walked all the way to Holland V! Tired, hot and sweaty by now, we dragged ourselves to the nearest taxi stand… We saw some light of hope in our heroic taxi driver who seemed to know where the place was… Supposedly we were at some 16^th Storey of Tanglin Halt and our desired destination was at 10^th Storey… Ok, so be it… But why didn’t we see any 11^th,12^th-15^th storey in between when we walked till the 16^th? And what on earth happened to the first 9 Storeys before 10^th? We realize that loonies don’t just stay in this area, the neighbourhood was designed by a bunch of loonies as well…We stared blankly as the cab drove past all the places that we walked through earlier… We had been walking in the wrong direction all the while and none of the loonies told us that… Anyway, even our hero killed us… He conveniently made a huge round of a trip and made a U-turn at some far end of the road…Then he asks a golden question, “ Eh, you know where Blk 27,anot?” The very question that we had been asking every weirdo for the past hour plus… Aaarghh!

We finally reach our great destination after all this and there are Indians everywhere… Though we received a few blank stares, my friend and I have reached a consensus not to comment due to the nature of the event… But I just have to say that even there we had to see a bunch of loony Indian girls who were dressed up and made up for such a grave event … We could smell their $2.75 Impulse perfumes from 5m away…

After the standard proceedings were over, my friend and I took our leave and just then I knocked my big bag loudly into someone’s gate, only to be greeted by an unfriendly grimace from the house owner…

After all the nonsense, we decided to pamper ourselves the least we could and headed over to a coffeeshop to get a drink… Amazingly, this coffeeshop smelt really good… Not the aroma of food… More to some kinda aroma-therapeutic smell… Now, what kinda loonies use aroma therapy in a coffeshop? My friend insisted on washing her hands before the drink and as she is washing hands, this Ah-peh walk over right beside her and gathers all his mucus,saliva and phlegm with one huge “Khhaaaaarrrr” and releases it in one big blob “PUI”!!!! My friend gave me this really constipated face and looked a little nauseated… We take to our heels…

After the spitting loony, we encounter this drink stall loony aunty who hardly understands what I’m telling her… My friend asked for some new orange flavoured soft drink on the shelf which the loonie aunty served HOT, err ok, warm maybe, for no apparent reason… So my friend opts for F&N orange instead and I get my Coke after the loony repeatedly asks ‘Cock ah, cock ah?’

Then we stride along… This is where my companion becomes the last and final, great, big loony… We are waylaid by this cockroach on the pavement and my friend reacts with some chronic stunt followed by a screech and runs far far away… I almost went on my knees laughing away at the stunt that my friend pulled off… Been a long time since I laughed that hard… After pulling a long face and blaming me of being incapable of ‘protecting’ a damsel against a monstrous cockroach, she questions my sudden outburst of energy for I seemed kinda lethargic throughout the night after rehearsals and the endless walking… I credit my coke for this and recite this Sun TV jingle which goes “Manam pol dhinam jamaai, Coca Cola enjaaai(enjoy)!!) That’s it! My friend turns loony again and does a merlion! She spits out her F&N in a highly clowny fashion (not that I was too gentlemanly on our first time out together as well… I proceeded to laugh non-stop for quite some time instead of trying to pacify her and make her feel better… We had to be the looniest pair of people who had the looniest first outing together, meeting the looniest of people along the way)

Finally, it is affirmative that we are the biggest loonies of the night… Joke was on us… Our destination was just a 20m pathway away from the MRT station we alighted… Just a small goddamn pathway and we’d have been at 10^th storey ages ago… AAaarrgghhh!

But on the way back home, this little thought hits me… It’s all the nonsense we went through and all the loonies we met that made the night so memorable… The night would’ve been a rather somber, solemn and straightforward one if we hadn’t lost our way… Do we also lose our way in life at times and meet all kindsa loonies so that life would be a memorable experience? Hmmm… Maybe… If all of the above happens with the right company, then yes, I guess…

Well, being the lazy ass I am, I’d have never created a blog for myself… It was this particular bulletin I posted on Friensdster that led to this… As usual, I had to voice my opinion about some issue and it garnered quite a postive response among those in my friends’ list… So much so that a couple of people encouraged me to start blogging… So,here I am… If you’re wondering, what big shit bulletin could it have been,  here it is for your perusal… Nothing great, just my usual social critic commentary… Quite crappy anyway but it has all the right to find it’s place in my blog for posterity… So, rambling starts… NOW!

"The Bulletin: Now, who the hell is Vikneswaran and do you think I give a hoot about why he has a simple profile? About 15-20 people on my list posted a bulletin on that with a link to his page… Best part is, his goddamn account is suspended…

Since I’m on it and I’m so free in camp and I don’t have a damn blog, lemme just lament here…

All the funny bulletins I get in a week… One says “ Pls don’t steal my pics” of a particular celebrity…Damn sad and sympathetic la… As though they bought exclusive rights from Reuters…

Then there’s those which say some scarfaced woman would be standing behind you when you look into the mirror, if you don’t repost some crap bulletin about this girl who slashed her face… I read the bulletin, did NOT repost it and all I saw in the mirror behind me was my toilet bowl…

I don’t know whether you read about the one titled *how sex starts* That’s a laugh… About how a smile leads to a laugh which in turn leads to a hug and so on till sex… If it was that easy I’d be waking up on a different bed, EVERY day…Don’t think I’ll have any female friends anymore…Actually, the world would be better if the bulletin was true… Yeah!

Then, the 1001 bulletins about how you should treat a girl… On one hand women tell us to be ourselves… On the other, they create bulletins on how we SHOULD treat them… Like they are some electronic accessory and these bulletins are user manuals… Girls, how your man treats you should come direct from his heart, not through some lame crap forward bulletin…

And then there was this nonsense about mum on friendster… Some girl’s mother was on Friendster and some shadow crept up behind her and brutally murdered her… Ok, though the plot sounds as soapy as some B-grade Emraan Hashmi Hindi movie, do you guys really buy that crap? People are lame enough to forward the bulletin cos it says “hat
same shadow will be standing behind you in 5minutes ready to kill you unless you spread this information to different people. I’d suggest you hurry up and repost MY MOM IS
ON friendster!” What the hell?

Then, there’s all this stuff about how men only go for looks… True enough, we do go for looks, I admit. But not as if women fantasize about Danny Devito, Kumar or Moses Lim right? They only swoon over the likes of Will Smith and Brad Pitt right?

Ok, after all the blathering, lemme come to the main point… I’m still alive after reading those chain bulletins and so will you… So, stop being lame and just don’t give a heck after reading those messages…

Secondly, I shall make use of this chance to publicize an upcoming production… Most Friendster bulletins condemn men and tell us how to treat our ladies right. For a change, if you wanna know men’s inner feelings, their sorrows which are not exposed and how even some men are abused by their female counter parts, you should catch UllaeVeliyae- The Forbidden Grief. This RDG production will be staged on 4 & 5^th Aug @ Jubilee Hall. For tickets please call 96357496. More info on the bulletin I posted two days back… Go backtrack to 12 July…

Repost this bulletin within the next 5 minutes or you shall be cursed with a mouth that smells like baby’s poop for the next 13 years. "

So, that was it folks… What made me start a blog… Seeya!

This had to happen someday, right? For those who know me well enough, this blog shouldn’t be some great shock… Yeah, I know, I’ve always had opinions about stuff and I never tried to keep it to myself either… I just have to voice my beliefs and question every norm that we encounter in life…

It’s just me… Manufacturing defect I guess… I could never bring myself to walk away quietly from a discussion where I sincerely feel I’ve my point about it… I’m not able to disagree with something within myself yet nod my head in approval to conform with the general majority… Not just able to see something I frown about but only bitch about it to my friends and give a smiling front to the very ones whose actions I scorn at…

Now, I sound like some Tamil movie hero right? Damn, I better tone down… I’m not a hero… I’m not a comedian, contrary to the general opinion of me due to my entertainment persona… I’m not a villain, not that evil… I’m just human, your everyday anti-hero… I hate, I loathe, I swear, I curse, I lust, I lie, I envy, I sin… No different from you… I’m no angel… But I am GOD, so are you…

More on that ideology in future blogs… As for now, I’m just gonna blow my own horn in my inaugural blog… Why can’t I? It’s my blog… I’ll voice my opinion… I’ll say what I believe… Yeah, some well-wishers say " You are a public persona… Don’t get involved in unnecessary socio-politics… Don’t tarnish your image… And so on" Yeah,true… But this IS me… Am I supposed to display a false front to everyone in the name of image… I’m being what I am… I wanna talk to the world… I wanna make a difference… I don’t wanna hide and live as a social coward all my life long and brood within myself as of to why this and that is not right… It is every human’s right to fight for what he deems right… The path that I took in life, to communicate to people through various mediums, is for this very reason… The reason I wield my microphone as the weapon of my choice is to reach out to anyone and everyone… Not gonna drop it in hypocritic fashion… Of course, that doesn’t mean I’ve never been a hypocrite, all of us are in a way… I digress again… More on hypocrisy in future posts…

Getting back to the topic at hand- I may be an outcast, outlaw, pariah or renegade in my own rights and I may differ from the majority…Think what they may want to, but I refuse to conform… Just because some fella ever precedented that pink is a lady’s colour, men can’t use it? So does it make me any less a man or a effeminate/metrosexual to use pink fonts? Well, I will… If you think I’m gay, go ahead… Sad, that you’re so shallow… If we’re all the same, then no one stands out… By conforming, you are just placing me in the limelight…

I ever wrote this for a Jeeva Gaanam trailer… If abided by, for the right reasons, I believe everyone can be a hero in his own right.

Against the Authority

Break the Barriers

Challenge the Conceited

Defy the Disdainful

Eradicate the Ego

Face the Fury

Gratify the Good

Some 7 ideas of a rebel with a cause…

I’m just so damn bored and stoning in camp that I’m blathering away… But that’s what this blog is about… Ramblings of a rebel… Voice of a Renegade…

The Ideology of RED- REDeology

To be continued…